Can we redefine compromise? Is it a powerful tool or a necessary evil?

by Jhumur Manglik

Traditionally, compromise has referred to the act of giving up something that you want in order to reach an agreement. It’s a loaded word that makes me cringe at times because it has the connotation of ‘losing’ built into it. The word draws up images of getting a short end of the stick or being on the losing end… constantly taking one’s focus away from what the process does help you get.

Let’s make a case for looking at compromise more as a tool to manage the demands life places on us daily, instead of the necessary evil that lurks in our lives as we make everyday choices.

As a mother, a wife and a professional, I have had my fair share of making choices regarding my family, life and work, over the past several years. Each choice had its pros and cons and entailed a compromise. I realize now though that the process of compromising calls for more than just giving up something I desire or want. It has often involved the tedious process of discussing and identifying priorities; evaluating what is most important to me and my family at that particular point in time and then taking a decision that is meaningful for our situation within our life context.

I would be lying if I said that outcomes of all decisions landed us in a win-win instantly. On the contrary, there have been times where I traded blissful sleep for a much-needed quiet cup of morning tea; or working full-time to being with my daughter full-time; or having invigorating conversations with fellow-colleagues at lunch to having a lunch date with my laptop as I work from home.

What I have come to appreciate is that the process of compromise helps us understand what is important to us in our life and provide a way in which to manage competing priorities all vying for our attention at one time. It helps put things in perspective.

I can’t help but wonder, living in an era marked with our desire to ‘have it all’, are we missing the link between compromise, making choices and happiness? As we wade through the maze of being a parent, professional, partner and a person with his/her own unique interests in life; are we being trained to want everything with no room for compromise?