Daddy Time for All

Before we even thought about having children, I knew my husband would be an amazing father.

I knew he would teach our kids about anything and everything he loved -from obscure Elizabeth Colton recordings and the wonder of monkeys, to the theories of Levinas. And while he is not the most demonstrative guy, I knew he would shower them with affection. I knew we would both put family time first. I was right about all of it. He is an absolutely remarkable, patient, adoring and attentive father. Funny though, that despite my liberated attitudes and all the thought I put into my partner’s parenthood and my own, I considered myself as the mom almost solely at risk of slipping out of work-life balance after having children. Somehow, until we became parents, I never fully and completely grasped the idea that work-life balance is about our choices as a family unit and not as “mom” and “dad”.

Even with the rise of information and literature on equally shared parenting. It still hasn’t fully sunk in for many of us.   There have been several articles and studies published about modern fatherhood recently which clarify some misconceptions and propose some food for thought. One brilliant New York Times piece, includes a quote from a French female CEO that I think sums up my blind spot pretty well:

“In theory, we now have equal rights, in practice, we still have babies.”

The article, by Katrin Benhold,  goes on to point out the impact of motherhood on work-life balance and career advancement.

“In the Western world, motherhood remains the barrier to gender equality. Until they have children, young women now earn nearly the same as men and climb the career ladder at a similar pace. With the babies often come career breaks, part-time work and a rushed two-shift existence that means sacrificing informal networks like the after hours beer-and-bonding experience often crucial at promotion time.”

While women may face more obstacles to career advancement, new dads are sometimes professionally rewarded for having kids. According to a recent study on new fathers by the Boston College Center for Work and Family, having kids may enhance dad’s professional reputation, and open up new avenues for advancement.  That said, the same study found that:

“…a profound shift is taking place with today’s new dads. Overall, our research found fathers who were deeply committed to care-giving and sharing the work as evenly as possible with their spouses,” wrote the authors. “Men seem poised to embrace a new definition of fatherhood and to step up to the challenges and the rewards of parenting in a much fuller sense than was the case in the past.”

Finding flexibility and balance concerns fathers just as much as mothers. Not only that, but helping both genders find balance is the only solution to everyone actually getting it. My business is Reworking Parents, not just because it was cute name, but because I am committed to helping ALL parents finding work-life satisfaction.

It’s almost eleven on Monday night, and my husband has a deadline and missed putting our daughter to bed tonight. I know he can’t wait for Friday, daddy-daughter day. Maybe they’ll go back to the zoo this week. Those golden lion monkeys are really amazing. I’ll be working that day, but I can’t wait to see the pictures.